a young boy pt. 2

this young boy. my heart is broke again because of him and he doesn’t know it. he told my best friend, or one of them at least that he “can’t.” why? how could you play me the way you did? how could you be okay with the way you used me? that’s not okay. that’s not the you i know. i miss the you i know. was the whole “i’ve always wanted to” a game to you? was it a game to get me to admit things to you that i would’ve kept buried deep deep down. that i would ignore until i saw you? just for me to remember them and hurry and hide them because i can’t act upon them. how could you do this to me? you watched me get my heart hurt by these guys just for you to do it again. i want to know why. why would you? how could you? it hurts me to know that i let you hurt me. this is the second night i’m writing my feelings about you. something i never do. i never write. i cry. but why don’t i have any tears over you? opening snapchat and seeing you name makes me smile. i smile knowing i haven’t talked to you. i smile even though i have that opened sign next to your name. i smile even when that timer is there. i smile at it all. you’re not my best friend anymore. yet i smile. but i cry on the inside. why? because you haven’t talked to me, that opened sign, and that timer. when will i learn to not let my heart get hurt. especially by you again. when will i learn to ignore you and move on. i don’t know, but i hope soon. i can’t keep doing this. i hurts so bad inside. i’m so sorry for myself. i can’t help but know i need to move on from you..but i can’t.